Healthy relationships without violence is the goal of Tanya Moreno, director of Community Education and Outreach at the Community Against Violence organization in Taos. Tanya, 32, has been working with youth since she was a youth herself to help stop domestic violence before it starts. Her commitment arose from the deep grief she endured upon losing a younger brother to a violent murder. Tanya, who holds a bachelors degree in Chicano Studies and certification in Race and Ethnicity Studies, says part of the problem of domestic violence is related to oppression in which a person takes control over another through physical and verbal assault.

Surprisingly, this type of abuse crosses cultures and economic communities. In fact, it is a myth that wealthy communities experience less domestic violence than an impoverished area. If a woman is 100 percent dependent on her husband in a wealthy community she may stay in an abusive relationship to keep her financial status in the black. Many women have accepted living for years in a hostile relationship, where they suffer from fear, intimidation, and having their spirit ground down.

Physical abuse—“hitting”—is not the only type of relationship abuse. Some of the worst scars a person can experience can be verbal abuse. Consistent put downs, yelling or telling someone they are bad or useless can begin to eat away at one’s self esteem. Withdrawal of communication and the cold or silent treatment are also forms of abuse. Often the abuser will tell her family she is crazy, so when the victim reports what is happening nobody believes her. “Batterers and emotional abusers are master manipulators,” Tanya says. “These are the type of men who, when they hit their wives or girlfriends, will make sure they hit them where you won’t be able to see the damage.”

The Community Against Violence (CAV) continues to look for trends in violence in Taos County and surrounding areas. The shelter is capable of housing 26 individuals. “We have eight suites with their own private baths,” Tanya says. “When a woman is alone with no family, we may group several women together to form a supportive, family-like environment.”

Many factors can be counted when it comes to healing of a battered woman, such as how many abusive relationships she has been in and how bad the damage is.

Sometimes a woman lives under the threat that if she leaves, her abuser will kill her, the kids, or himself. There is a definite cycle in the abusive relationship, starting with the honeymoon, moving into a period of tension and then violence, either or physical. Once the cycle starts, it can repeat itself for years before it is reported. On average, there are five rape cases among women in committed relationships per month occurring in Taos County alone.

“It is not enough to protect the victims,” states Tanya. “We have to help the batter ers to change their behavior. If they want to change, they can, although it may mean they do not go back to that same relationship.”

Tanya does not believe in crimes of passion but feels that everyone has the ability to choose. “People who batter use excuses of the ‘heat of the moment’ or attribute their response to alcohol or drugs. It is actually not the heat of the moment; it is a choice, conscious control. If I hit somebody, that gives me power and control. It can be an instant high followed by a crash of guilt. The risk factors of being raised in poverty or in a violent home can contribute to the problem.” Sixty to 70 percent of children who witness violence in their homes will become violent themselves, she says, “but it is still a conscious choice of the individual to behave in an abusive manner. There are always other choices. Walk away.

“We are starting a program in tandem with the Eight Northern Pueblos Peace Keepers Program,” Tanya continues. “Education facilitators are trained to help those who are violent to work out their issues. Cultural values of the Hispanic and Native American cultures cling to family. Sometimes this is not possible for safety, but we do try to work to integrate families. We have to maintain safety for survivors and victims, and that is why we have a local church that houses our 52-week re-education program for batterers. Hopefully, this will end their pattern of violence. Accountability is important. If they miss a class they can go back to jail.”

When people dehumanize another person it puts them in control. One of the things that CAV does in its classes with the youth is to teach them how to dissect what they are consuming in the media, with their friends—examining the ideologies of their roles. Through education, role playing, and community building activities, Tanya and her team are working together to help assure a safer and more peaceful community.

For more information contact Tanya at Community Against Violence ( Taos County and Surrounding Areas) 24 hour hotline (505) 758-9888, http://www.taoscav.org/index.php.

Connie Thompson is a writer, director, and producer of creative, corporate, and motivational video scripts, articles, and press releases. Contact her at (505) 944-1977 or at multimediasavvy@aol.com.